It's been difficult to write about spring and Easter and new life without mentioning the new little life growing inside me. I'm relieved that the news is officially out now.
When I was pregnant with Isaac we waited a long time to make it public. I had just had a miscarriage and I was terrified that it would happen again. We were so excited for our first pregnancy that we told people very soon, but that also meant that we had to "un-tell" them when I had the miscarriage. However, not telling people meant dealing with the fear and discomfort of the first trimester in silence and with fewer people praying for us.
I find myself thinking about those days a lot right now. It's still difficult but I'm much more at peace about this pregnancy. I get anxious sometimes but the old terror is no longer there. I'm not sure why. It must be grace.
We already love this child and are so happy that our family is growing. We're so happy to give Isaac a sibling and to have another little bundle to cuddle come November. However, it still doesn't seem quite real yet. It's hard to believe that by next Christmas I will have two little munchkins.
Maybe I'm not as afraid of a miscarriage this time because now my experience has given me other things to worry about. I know now how difficult pregnancy is. I'm looking forward to feeling those first kicks but I'm also struggling with nausea and heartburn and dreading the constant backache and hunger that will probably come later. I also know how difficult Isaac's birth was. I'm hopeful that this time will be easier but I know it's possible that this baby will be even bigger and more difficult. I also really hope that the transition from center-of-the-universe to big brother won't be too hard on Isaac.
Anyway, I'm trying to take things as they come and not look too far ahead. Right now every day is different and dealing with each one is enough. Some days I feel pretty well and some days I'm exhausted and/or sick. I feel like a wimp because I know so many women who get morning sickness so much worse than I do, but it's still not easy. I guess the real point of this rambling post is to ask for prayers. Please pray for the safety of this little one and that I can make it through each day (more or less) gracefully, and for everything that lies ahead.